Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
