im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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