i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
