i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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