he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
