He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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