As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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