but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
