Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
