I looked at my own cervix.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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