That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
