i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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