if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
