Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
