He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
