I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
