Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
