a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My life is pants optional.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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