The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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