shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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