Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
