I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
