I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
