And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I have already put on my inside pants.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
