I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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