i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
It's blow job season.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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