I wish I could teleport
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
