You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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