she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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