I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
