I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
