his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
