Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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