I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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