I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
