Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
