8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
