I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
