that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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