i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i dont even know how to be here
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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