I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Randomize
