see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Randomize
