woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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