dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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