Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
