I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
