Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
3pm strippers are depressing
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
