I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
