my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
