apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
